In couples we do not talk about guilt or innocece but relationships. Couples therapy focuses on breaking out of the vicious cycle of reactions.
Relationships are interactions and each party is responsible.
In love there are no winners or losers, because either both win or both lose.
If we allow someone to do something to us, we are always responsible
Men and Women are different
… and may react in a very different way. We underestimate these differences and can get caught up in a vicious circle of reactions.
Here an example how men and women might react differently:
Men normally try to fix problems alone. They take time to think, to find out their solutions. They withdraw into their own “bubble” and come out when they have found a solution.
Women seek for conversations because it is their way of finding solutions. They also talk about what worries them because conversation may mean relief. Woman seek the dialogue with their partner who on the other hand seeks solitude.
So we do face with an added problem to the original conflict. Rejected conversation and the withdrawal of the conversation might matter more than the original conflict.
To become conscious how we react helps to overcome difficulties
Communication is a key
To improve communication skills is a central point in counseling. Especially in conflict situations it is important to be able to express oneself. Communication skills encourage dialogue instead of cutting it. They do help us to express demands, complaints and requests in a way that can be accepted by the other party.
Please read the related article about communication
I want to make you happy !
Who does not want to contribute to the happiness of their partner? With the purpose of achieving happiness we sign our commitment as a couple and mostly do not look any further.
We talk about HAPPINESS but do not know what hides behind it. For every person it might be something quite different.
Assumptions create conflict and discussions that could easily be clarified in a conversation.
Asking and finding out as much as possible about the opinion of partner creates an atmosphere of dialogue with confidence.
The American Psychological Association (APA) lists a series of guidelines, endorsed by different research, and considered key to couple therapy:
The existence of doubts before marriage has been found as a predictor of problems of the couple. In a 2012 study by researchers at the University of California, USA, women who had experienced premarital issues were twice as likely to divorce as those who had no doubt.
In therapy we work with your doubts before, during or ending a relationship. In this work it is essential that the therapist abstains in giving advice, opinions or indications. Each person and each couple has their own solutions and the purpose of therapy is to find them.
Likewise, the level of marital satisfaction is considered an important predictor of the success of the couple. Studies in this regard indicate that those couples whose marital satisfaction declines during the first four years of marriage are more likely to divorce, compared to those in which the level of satisfaction is maintained.
A couple stays satisfying if we take positive reinforcement daily. These are all these small details that make us feel good, special, cared for and loved. This can be a hug, say something nice, or have a little detail with our couple.
The support of the couple is essential, not only in moments of crisis but also in moments of success, helping to perceive the relationship in a positive way.
Routines and boredom play against couples. A key to maintain satisfaction in the partnership is to have experiences in common. Varied and innovative activities or simply a detail that breaks the daily routine do refresh our partnership and maintain it alive.
In Counseling we do work on all named issues and of course on your individual subjects.